A Little Musicians' Jokes

TOP 20 REASONS YOU SHOULD DATE A VIOLINIST!

20) We can go for hours at a time.
19) The bigger the instrument, the deeper it goes.
18) We always follow the stick.
17) For better sound, we point our f-holes towards the audience.
16) We can shift from position to position with ease.
15) We're good at making up our own fingerings.
14) We're careful with our instruments and we clean them after every use.
13) We can do it fast or slow.
12) When we play, we can be loud or soft.
11) We love to vibrato whenever we have a chance.
10) We like to play in groups of four or more.
9) We can do it sitting or standing.
8) The first violin players always have to lead.
7) But the seconds are always willing to follow.
6) If we make a mistake, we do it over again for perfection.
5) We are always ready to play in any position.
4) We pay close attention to fingerings and accidentals.
3) We can improvise in any situation.
2) We always have at least one G string.
1) Unlike those band nerds, we’re good at more than just blowing.

PS: Credits to Bryan's blog. Wahaha!
Anyway,I'm a cellist. Not bad to date also. *wink!*

Other crazy jokes... (cold)
Q. How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Seven - one to change it and the other six to sing about how much better the old one was.
Q. What's the definition of an optimist?
A. A folk musician with a mortgage.

Q. What do you call a musician without a significant other?
A. Homeless.

Q. How is a savings bond like a musician?
A. Eventually it may mature and make some money.

There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician.The other didn't have any money either.

Q: How many reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Light bulb? We spent da' money on spliffs, mon!

Q: How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?
A: The center of the universe shifts with every step they take.

Q: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza pie?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How many Musician jokes are there?
A: Just one -- all the rest are true!!

Q: Why can't many vocalists get through the door?
A: They either can't find the key or don't know when to come in.

Q:What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A:The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.

Q: Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?
A: Because most shops close by six thirty.

Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

Q: What's the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver?
A: The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horses' asses.

Q: How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Where is a tenor's resonance?
A: Where his brain should be.

Q: What's the definition of a male quartet?
A: Three men and a tenor.

Q: How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.

Q: What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance?
A: The tennis final has more men.

Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.

Q: What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral performance?
A: The performance causes more suffering.

Q: Why do high school choruses travel so often?
A: Keeps assassins guessing.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A choral director with a mortgage.

Q: What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee?
A: It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

Q: What's the difference between an Appalachian dulcimer and a hammered dulcimer?
A: A hammered dulcimer burns hotter; an Appalachian dulcimer burns longer.

Q: How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

Q: "Hey, buddy, how late do the filkers play?"
A: "Oh, about half a beat behind..."

Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?
A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
A: "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"