Music=Life, Life=?

I have asked myself a gazillion times: "Why do I wanna do music??!! I'll never be 100% sucessful, the pay sucks, and I need to practice 8 hours a day (and may not improve), plus I need to please everyone's tastes."

WHY WANT TO MAKE LIFE SO DIFFICULT? BEING A DOCTOR WOULD BE EASIER.

When I was 4, my mom wanted to let me learn piano but I stupidly refused. *pinches self* Anyway... I have a weird history of music:

7 year old : Lessons at yamaha. Took Grade 1 there..
9 year old : Changed to XXX music school. They wasted my freaking time. If I didn't take lessons there, I would be a diploma student now.
12 year old: Changed teacher to Ms. XXX. She showed me what classical music really is and i decided to be a musician because of her.
13 year old: Joined Chinese orchestra and learnt the cello. Met a teacher and he gave me cello lessons. Some of the best time of my life.
14 year old: Took piano lessons from my cello teacher. It's an amazing experience. 101% satisfied. (stopped cello, too much work)
16 year old: Learnt cello seriously under a new teacher (she's strict...)
17 year old: Take up guitar and vocals. Stopped guitar and vocals 3 months later due to sPM
18 year old: Going to take a big step overseas.... >>>>>Sigh

Okay back to topic.. I need to tafsir this out for myself.

I want to take music because:
1. It's a part of life. I don't know what to do without it.
2. Music keeps me going forward and forward.
3. It's probably the only thing (bsides literature) that I'm not hopeless at.
4. I like the challenge and the chase.
5. Music is too beautiful.
6. I want to bring more music into Buddhism.
7. Music can bring peace to the world, heal souls, and make people happy.
8. I'm addicted to it. What else to say?

Why i'm hesitating:
1. I'm not sure if i can get a job in an orchestra. :(
2. Students nowadays are so @#$%#@#$.... Teaching maybe meaningless if cannot produce serious students.
3. I pay $$$$$$$ for music education. I earn back $$ only.
4. What if i break my fingers in the future? I shall have NOTHING!
5. Learning music makes me feel helpless and stupid at times. I feel left behind, inferior... and never good enough. I get emotional and upset.
6. Too many people better than me.

Hw am i going to revamp my mindset...?
I think i should do something I like just for self achievement and remember to "live to play music, not play music for a living."
If I do something else and get a good pay, I may not be happy... And life is short, I should do something my heart yearns for.
BUT.. yes, life is short.. I am also wasting my time practising it away. HOW?
I guess I need to tidy up my time. Make space for everything, and be a well-rounded person.

I guess the main reason I'm worrying so much is because I fear failure. Yep, that's the main reason.Saya Orang Kiasu.

Conclusion: I have already spent more than 10,000 dollars on music. I must not turn back. I shall not regret. I should further in music and be true to my heart. I must not be affected by people's comments.
I guess.. that success does not come easy, that's why we crave it so much.

It's time to make up my mind. Yesh, I should not give up. After all, I'm not a quitter. i'm a kiasu.

Actually I'm very lucky. I pay Rm1000 every month to learn music. I have a beautiful cello. I have a piano to practise on. I have the best teachers in the world.

Heck, Why Give Up.
I must work hard. I must work hard. I must work smart. I must work smart....

SiiIIiIiIIgGHGgGhHHhhhh....